There are so many things I’ve wanted to say to you, but just couldn’t put into words. Emotions I’ve felt that don’t have a label assigned to them.
I will never understand the people that hurt you. How they could give up someone that loves as beautifully as you, is beyond me.
You keep apologizing for talking about it so much, but I’m not bothered. I feel helpless because I don’t have the power to cure my favorite person of their heartache. I know that no matter how many pints of ice cream I bring or how many times I say “It’ll be ok. You can do better” you’re still going to be thinking of them and the agony they’ve caused. Regardless, I won’t let you forget how loved you are. So, I keep bringing you stuffed animals and inviting you out because I refuse to let you sit alone and bully yourself over someone else’s poor judgement.
You ask me how this happened and I watch as the wheels in your mind run at their highest speed, trying to process it all. You search for understanding as if your life depends on it. The “why’s” and “what if’s” seem never ending.
I wish I could rescue you from your own mind. Watching you doubt yourself is absolutely crushing because as much as I want to fix it, I have to let you do this yourself. I could grab your shoulders and shake you, telling you how loved you are, how amazing and incredible, but you wouldn’t hear it. All you would hear is their voice echoing in your ears saying it’s over.
I would give you all the answers if I could, but even then I know it wouldn’t take your pain away. Just because we know the answer doesn’t mean we understand. But we don’t have to understand to know that letting them go is the best thing you could ever do for yourself. You sit there and try to rationalize. You’ll tell yourself that if you’d just done this or that they would’ve stayed. And my heart shatters.
What you don’t know is that while you’re sitting across from me, scheming to get them back or talking about how you’re not sure you’ll ever find love, I’m already picturing you with the love you deserve. I can already see visions of you, happy, with the person that you’re meant to be with. Someone that is funnier, kinder, smarter and, honestly, much more attractive than your ex. I see you next to them at weddings, in the house you just bought together and fighting over who drank the last of the Mountain Dew.
And I hear you, in this moment, telling me you don’t want anyone else while tears are streaming down your cheeks. You tell me you’ll wait for them and you’ll never love anyone else again. But I promise that goes away. I promise real, true, reliable love will find you. How could it not? No one that loves the way you do ends up alone. So, go ahead. Feel that you’ll be alone forever. Feel it for now. Because you’re going to look in the mirror one morning and finally see yourself the way I see you. You’ll finally lean forward to get a better look at your eyes filled with wonder and see the reflection of the love that awaits you.
I wish you could see what I see. While you’re sitting there tearing yourself apart, I’m trying my hardest to hold you together. Frantically stuffing your bleeding wounds with encouraging words and the love only a best friend could give. Fighting you to put down the emotional knife, look in my eyes and see yourself for what you are.
You are not who you are seeing yourself as right now. You are not whatever your ex thinks of you. You are my best friend. The person that holds my hair back when I drink too much, makes me laugh harder than anyone ever could and knows my coffee order by heart. You’re the person I tell my deepest secrets to and trust with my life. You love deeper than the ocean, hope like the first time you read Harry Potter and rise from the ashes like the resilient, majestic phoenix.
I know that in this moment you are still buried in the ash, but I promise that you won’t be forever. You will rise stronger, wiser and more incredible than you ever were before. You will start to build yourself into the person you always wanted to be. You will discover love around every corner because you radiate it to those around you. You will survive this and I will be by your side the whole time.
I love you and I can’t wait to hear your laugh again.
Your best friend