“You have something they don’t. Strength.”
This was not supposed to be today’s post. In fact, I hadn’t even had the idea for it until last night, but once it hit me, I knew I had to write it.
This is for those that gave their all to a relationship and were stabbed in the back by the one person they loved most. For those that summoned the strength to heal, move on, give love another chance and have now found themselves betrayed, yet again. If you’re standing there holding your heart in your hands and have no idea what to do with it anymore… this one’s for you.
One day, when you were younger and much more innocent, you gift-wrapped your heart and gave it to someone you thought was special. For the first time, you trusted that if you allowed yourself to fall, someone would be there to catch you. So, you fell and that person you trusted so deeply wasn’t waiting for you at the bottom. The impact was immeasurable.
You had your heart ripped out of your chest. Nevertheless, you picked yourself up and somehow found the strength to give another person a chance. You were so careful. You kept your eye out for red flags until this new person finally proved themselves enough to convince you to have confidence in your relationship.
You didn’t unfairly punish your new partner for the sins of your ex and, instead, trusted them (even though you were scared to death). You loved with everything you had. You did everything right. They told you so many pretty things and, for a while, their actions confirmed their words. So, you believed them.
Now you’re sitting here wondering what happened. How it all changed so quickly. You wonder how they were in love with you one day and in love with someone else the next. You beat yourself up for having suspicions and now you’re beating yourself up for not trusting your gut. They told you there wasn’t anyone else, but now you know they were lying. This person just needed an easy way out and didn’t want to look like the villain. The whole thing was just a show. A set up to appear innocent.
I know what you’re feeling. You feel like you’ve been played the fool and you wonder if you’ll ever find someone that loves and appreciates you the way you have this person. Part of you wants to give up and just get a dog. Part of you wants to rise fiercely from the ashes and prove to your ex the monumental mistake they’ve made.
And they have. They’ve made a huge mistake giving up someone that loved them so authentically. I know it, you know it, everyone in your life knows it. Eventually, they’ll know it. Even if it’s for a split second, they’ll regret the hell they put you through. But here’s the thing… that’s not for you to worry about. Their thought process, issues and emotional baggage are no longer your problem. You are free.
I know that may hurt to hear. It’s both liberating and agonizing. If you’re anything like me, you’re fiercely loyal and you love deeply. You will stand by someone’s side no matter what, maybe even to a fault. After the breakup you’ll have hope. You’ll say a lot of prayers and be careful to give the proper time and space for them to realize what they’re losing. You’ll tell yourself that if they don’t want you then you don’t want them. You’ve done this before, you can survive it again.
But finding out you’ve been betrayed is a whole new monster. It knocks you off the ladder of healing you were climbing ever so slowly and you feel the familiar pain of your heart splattering on the concrete.
The hard truth is, sometimes having your eyes opened to the truth and losing hope for that relationship is exactly what you need.
This person does not deserve you and I know you’re not going to believe me when I tell you that, but it is so true. You have the kind of love that some wonderful person out there is looking for. I know you don’t think it’s fair that this piece of trash gets the easy way out. That you have to be the bigger person, yet again, and not burn their house down or slash their tires. But you have something they don’t. Strength.
Dishonest people are weak. They’ll do whatever they have to in order to cover their tracks. They’re desperate for escape. They hide behind a mask and attempt to lock their issues away instead of facing them. They run away whenever an opportunity for vulnerability presents itself. That, my love, is why they will never truly be happy. There will always be something missing. And that something is you. Because you loved them so purely and in such a way, that no one will ever be able to live up to you.
A dishonest, insecure person’s inability to accept real love stems from their own lockbox of issues. It has nothing to do with you and it’s not your burden to carry.
You are loyal, loving and exactly what someone just like you is looking for. But you’ll never have room for the right person if you hold onto this situation or close yourself off to the world. You may be thinking you want revenge or a quick fix to make the pain go away. I know the last thing you want is for this person to look at you with pity in their eyes because “you loved them so much and they never wanted to hurt you.” But they did. They hurt the most sincere, warm-hearted person they”ll ever know. The best and only thing you can do for yourself is to do is just that… do for yourself.
This person that gave up the best thing that will ever happen to them is not worth your precious time. They are not deserving of your thoughts, tears or efforts. They only deserve the bad karma that they’ve earned and trust me, they’ll get theirs. The best part about all of this? You don’t have to do anything, but live your life.
This is your time. This is the time to create the life you’ve always wanted for yourself. I know you’re going to feel dirty flirting with another person because you still feel like you belong to someone else. You’re going to have nights when you feel so lonely and cold. All of that is ok to experience, but don’t let it become your life. Don’t give this person that power over you. You have the ability to build YOUR life the way YOU want it and when the time is right, the one you’ve been sifting through all this garbage to find will finally show up.
You did not deserve this.
You did everything you could to make it work.
You didn’t do anything wrong.
You are more than enough.
You are worth far more than the treatment you received.
You will find better.
You are better.
You are honest.
You are strong.