Filling In The Gaps: How I Became Whole Again

In my short 21 years, I’ve come to learn that most people have at least one story that ends with, “And that’s when I realized I was going to be ok.” We look back on a trying time in our lives and clearly see where we came out on top. If you haven’t reached that point yet, don’t worry. You will.

That story for me started when I picked up some twine and little gold clothes pins on a spontaneous trip to Wal-Mart with my sister and boyfriend at the time. I had the idea to try and hang up photos on my wall like all the trendy girls on tumblr and I figured, what better time than the present?

I picked out my favorite pictures, made them to look like little polaroids and hung them delicately on my wall. Each one paired with a little gold clip to hold it to the twine. Sprinkled in between photos of my friends and I were pictures of me and my boyfriend snuggled close together, laughing and just being generally happy. But it wasn’t to last.

When my boyfriend and I broke up, it took me a few days to bring myself to take down our pictures. It hurt me to see his smile plastered on my wall. Little did I know it would hurt even more looking at the empty spaces glaring at me every morning with the knowledge of what used to live there. Knowing that the gaps on the wall only hurt so bad because I was the one with missing pieces.

I started to hate the sight of it. I contemplated taking the whole thing down and trashing it. I thought about burning it. I thought about simply packing it away until I was ready to hang it back up, but it ended up staying there, secured by tattered pieces of artist’s tape, for another month.

Finally, one day, I decided that I would gradually fill the gaps with new pictures. I wouldn’t rush the process, I’d just let the pictures collect themselves naturally.

Little did I realize, by the end of that same day, not only would I discover I already have enough pictures to fill the empty spaces, but I would have so many, I’d have to completely restructure the twine. All these pictures had already been taken by either me or my friends within the month and a half following my breakup and I was so deep in my sadness, I hadn’t even realized it. I was so concerned with the love I thought I’d lost, I hadn’t recognized the immense love that was still flooding my life.

My new display is bigger, brighter, and more beautiful than I could’ve imaged. The images bring me more joy than any of the old ones ever did. Every morning I wake up to a wall covered in pictures of me next to the people I love.

Realizing that in such a short amount of time, I’ve already made so many more beautiful memories, brings me the greatest joy and an abundance of hope.

If you’re at a point in your life where you feel like you’ve got gaping holes in your heart, take a moment to just breathe and look around. Really look. Look for the people who love you, the things that excite you and the hope you have for the future. You have so much ahead of you, but you also have so much going for you now.

I felt like I had half of myself stolen away, but with everyday that passes, I find that the other half isn’t missing, it’s just scattered. I find little pieces of myself hidden in my bookshelf, in the notes of a song and the eyes of my loved ones. You’ll find yourself again, too.

All my love and more,

Kristy Lynn