Why I’ve (Finally) Decided To Stop Drinking Alcohol

This is the most vulnerable post I’ve ever written. It’s a side of myself I never intended for the whole world to see. A side of myself I thought I could conquer in silence while continuing to put on a happy face for the public, but that just isn’t the case. I’m coming clean so I can GET clean. So I can stop drowning my sorrows and anxieties in whiskey and start being the woman I want to be.

Around a month ago, I decided to cut out liquor. I thought, “THIS is the problem. I can handle beer and wine. Those are simple. It’s the liquor I can’t do.” But it wasn’t long before beer and wine became just as much of a problem.

I always started out with good intentions. Just a couple of drinks and I’ll stop. Just one more. And before I knew it I was leaving a trail of drunk calls and texts to people I had no business talking to. People that made me feel small and heartbroken. Like I wasn’t enough. So I compensated… with more alcohol.

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Maybe it would make me more fun? More interesting? Maybe I wouldn’t feel so lonely surrounded by people in the clubs? Maybe my broken heart would stop aching for even a few hours. Just long enough for me to feel like me again. But that was never the case.

I always woke up alone, makeup smeared down my face, sick to my stomach, and horrified at the things I did or said the night before. What was I thinking? “I’m never drinking that much again.” I’d tell myself, only to end up at the bar again the next weekend.

I wasn’t raised in a house with alcohol, I went to church every Sunday, I had lovely friends that didn’t have to drink to hang out with me. But somehow I found my way there. Sitting at a bar, sipping on my third whisky and Dr. Pepper in an hour, wondering why I felt so abandoned. Hoping the buzz would set in soon so I would stop feeling like I wasn’t enough. Like I didn’t deserve love.

Alcohol put me in situations sober me wouldn’t get within 100 miles of. It put me around people that only wanted me around for what they could get from me. It allowed those people to take advantage of my vulnerable state and manipulate me into playing their games. I lost a lot of respect for myself that way. I became a person my high school self would have been concerned about.

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I started drinking when I was nineteen years old. My parents had no idea. I’d been a goody-two-shoes my whole life. Never drank, never did drugs, never had sex… heck, at that time I’d just had my first kiss! And that first kiss quickly became my first boyfriend. My first heartbreak.

Finding out your significant other is cheating is something awful. Finding out they’re cheating with several other girls can destroy you. It will send your whole world straight to hell and take what you thought about yourself with it. That’s when I found alcohol.

Alcohol was there when I couldn’t handle the pain of rejection. When I couldn’t face not being enough. And after every lost love, it was there. Waiting for me to come home and comfort myself with the warm burn of whiskey, or the sharp shock of tequila. Whatever pain I felt, alcohol was there to take it away. To tell me everything would be ok.

But nothing is ok when all you have to cope is alcohol. I was in denial of my problem. I thought, “well if I can take breaks from it I’m not an alcoholic.” But let me tell you a harsh truth… you don’t have to have a drink everyday to have an alcohol problem. You don’t have to drink hard liquor to have an alcohol problem. If drinking is your outlet, if you can’t stop until you are slurring your words or blacking out, baby, you have an alcohol problem.

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If you’re addicted to alcohol, I know what you feel. I know you’re carrying shame and guilt. You never thought you’d be here. I definitely didn’t think I’d ever be writing this. If you’d told me when I was eighteen that in a year I’d have an unhealthy relationship with alcohol I would’ve laughed in your face. I was on my way to a Christian college where I’d study for my dream career and meet my future husband. I wasn’t going to be crying into a glass over some piece-of-trash dude that couldn’t see my worth. But that’s just it. Life isn’t predictable like that. And maybe I’ve gone through this so someone else doesn’t have to.

I’ve lost friends, pushed away family, began to hate myself, and distanced myself from my Heavenly Father all for the love of alcohol. But that’s all going to change and I made the choice to go public with this decision because it will keep me accountable, not only to my audience, but to my loved ones that are counting on me to choose them over a drink.

June 7th, the morning after I’d gotten blackout drunk for the very last time, was the day I decided to be alcohol free. That night I went with my sister and one of our friends to see the movie, Rocketman, and the timing could not have been better. The movie tells the story of my favorite recording artist, Sir Elton John, and his journey to sobriety. He has been sober for 28 years. I thought to myself, “If my favorite rock legend can get clean, so can I.”

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Today, June 8th, is my first day with absolutely no alcohol in my system. My first day sober. I have a lot of work to do. A lot of self-improvement to embark on, but I’m confident I can do it. I am very blessed to have a strong support system of family and friends that I know not every addict has. And while I know this will cause some people to whisper under their breath as I walk by, I’d rather speak up and let that person out there struggling with alcoholism know they’re not alone.

I’ll be posting weekly updates every Saturday so those that are interested can follow my journey to a life of sobriety. I ask that you remain sensitive to this situation as my blog is a safe place for people to reach out for help and negative comments will not be tolerated.

Thank you to all my loving friends, family, and church family that have seen me through my worst times and continued to cheer me on through my best. I wouldn’t be able to do this without you.

All my love and appreciation,

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10 thoughts on “Why I’ve (Finally) Decided To Stop Drinking Alcohol

  1. Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful Kristy …. how I admire your courage! To open yourself in this way, to be vulnerable, to trust others to come alongside…wow, just WOW! You are finding your way back to the Lord Jesus and I believe your honesty will open the door for many to take a real look at themselves and make the changes they need to make. I will pray! Blessings to you dear girl!

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  2. Kristy, I’m so proud of you! I can relate to your story from when I was about 19-26. I spent every weekend in clubs & drinking way too much. Only by God’s grace did I not kill myself or someone else by driving when I shouldn’t have. I wasn’t saved at the time, so I didn’t have the positive influences I needed to get me straightened out. At the age of 29, I was saved and decided to never touch it again. God will take you away from it if you trust him to. I use my testimony now to tell my youth girls to never get started down the road because it’s a no-win. I love you & am here if you ever need me. ❤️

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  3. Sweet Kristy, so proud of your courage and resolve. I know you can do this with God’s help. Myself and many others will be cheering you on and praying. Satan wants to do one thing…to destroy you but girl you are more than a conqueror! I love you very much ♥️

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  4. Kristy, you’re amazing and God is going to use your testimony to reach so many! I’m so proud of you and will certainly be praying for you ! You’re such a beautiful girl inside and out !! 😊

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  5. Wow Kristy… Thank you for sharing your journey. It takes a lot of courage to share our struggles with the world. I will pray for you. God will you use your testimony to encourage and reach others. Keep pressing on beautiful girl and on those days that get hard press hard into Jesus.

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  6. Kristy, I am so very proud of you. I know you can make it. You have a lot of people that is behind you and will help you in any way they can. I love you sweetie. Lean on God and your family and friends and you will be fine. We all love you.

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  7. Kristy, I have been burdened and praying for you ever since you stood beside me in the choir and sang. To admit that you have a problem means you are well on your way to recovery. This is the hardest part for most people. Turn to Jesus with the same vigor that you turned to alcohol and He won’t let you down. Don’t try to win this battle by yourself. It’s too big but God is bigger. Here are some words to a song that will encourage you: “This life doesn’t come easy when you try by yourself. The load gets too heavy but at the throne you’ll find help. And God’s more than able; we can’t, but He can. Each need He will handle, just put it into God’s Hands. Put it into’s God’s Hands, He knows what to do. He’s never too busy to care for you. Put it into’s God’s Hands, you won’t be denied. Tears fill your eyes, it’s time to decide. Put it into God’s Hands.” Run to Jesus ’cause you can do all things through Christ who strengthens you. I’m still praying for you and if I can help you in any way just know I’m here for you. The greatest thrill for me would be to have you standing beside me singing in the choir again!!

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  8. Kristi, I am so proud of you for taking this step. You can conquer this with God’s help!! This is my favorite verse…Isaiah 41:13. For I am the Lord, yourGod, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you. Use this verse to help you along your journey. It is God’s promise to us!!! Love you, sweet girl!!

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