Oof, has it been a rough couple of weeks. Sure, I didn’t drink, but man did I wish I could.
Most of you know, as I am very open about my mental health, I suffer from anxiety and depression. The last two weeks have been nothing but an uphill battle. Disrupted sleep patterns, panic attacks, irritability, lack of inspiration… these are just a few of the symptoms I’ve been battling.
Finding new outlets has been helpful, but even the best outlet doesn’t make you immune to the longing to numb yourself. To pull away from all the difficult emotions and overthinking just long enough to catch your breath… or get blackout drunk and pass out until midday tomorrow.
While I much prefer dealing with my emotions without alcohol, I’m not ashamed to admit that there are still times that I’ll text a close friend and say, “I really wish I was still drinking right about now.” And I know that’s not what I really want to do. What I really want to do is get away from the pain, but the pain is there for a reason. It’s trying to tell me that something isn’t right. Something within me needs to be dealt with and can’t be ignored any longer.
So, while I may be sober through any issues I am faced with, I still long, not for the alcohol, but for the escape it offered me. And you know what… that’s to be expected. That’s just being human. No one wants to feel pain. But then again, how would we appreciate all the good moments without it?