One of my dear friends had her heart broken this week. It’s difficult to see her in so much pain because, like most of us, I’ve been there. As I tried to think of ways to comfort her, I thought back to my past breakups. What did my friends do that actually helped?
While I usually try to keep my posts gender neutral, this one is written a little one sided. Mostly because I am a woman that has only ever dated men and it’s fairly difficult to write about something you know nothing about (aka, dating women). That being said, fellas, feel free to apply this to your own situation.
Listen, I get it. He’s special. You don’t know why he is, he just is. You’re supernaturally drawn to him, despite his flaws, and would do anything to be with him. You know his potential because you’ve seen glimpses of it. You know he can be a good man. The kind of man you deserve. But for whatever reason he is struggling to be that man. You have taken on the responsibility of being everything he could possibly need on his journey to becoming the man you know he can be. But here’s the thing… you may be setting out on a journey for change, but he’s not.
This is the most vulnerable post I’ve ever written. It’s a side of myself I never intended for the whole world to see. A side of myself I thought I could conquer in silence while continuing to put on a happy face for the public, but that just isn’t the case. I’m coming clean so I can GET clean. So I can stop drowning my sorrows and anxieties in whiskey and start being the woman I want to be.
2016 was the year I finally made the decision to try medication for my mental illness. I’d been in therapy for a full year and it had helped tremendously, but I was still lacking the serotonin needed to make any real progress. I did a ton of research, asked as many professionals for their input as possible, and cried a lot.
The whole process was very overwhelming for me due to one question. What does this decision say about me?
Self-worth was always something I thought I had, but it wasn’t until this past year that my loved ones brought something to my attention. “If you knew your worth you wouldn’t do this, associate with him, put yourself through that…” A long list of crimes against myself was unfurled and I couldn’t ignore it any longer.
This is not the original post I had planned for today, but after experiencing a rather crippling depressive episode, I decided to write this instead. Because somewhere out there someone is tucked away in a dark room under their blankets, scared to open their eyes and face the demons awaiting them. Someone is afraid to die, but much more afraid to live. Someone needs to hear this and know they’re not alone. They need someone to tell them the baby steps to recovery because it’s hard to think for yourself when your mind is working against you.
I recently left what I was once so proud to call my “big girl job” in order to pursue my dreams. My only regret in this is that I put my departure off for much longer than I should have, causing myself incredible amounts of unnecessary grief.